Some days, I hate Nature.

I usually love going outdoors and basking in Mother Nature’s wondrous glory.

Today, not so much.

Oh, it all started out well enough. Got home from work, sorted some dirt from our enormous top soil pile (much more on that later), and all was Happy and Good. Then, my kids noticed a big nest of 12 wasps on our storage building. I noticed a smaller wannabe nest of about 2 on the corner of our house. Strange, because they hadn’t congregated there in weeks. There are no physical nests anymore, but I guess pheromones linger on or something, because we have been killing those suckers ALL SUMMER LONG. THEY REFUSE TO LEAVE.

Well, after a weekend of 6 inches of rain, something must have told them it was time to have the Annual Wasp Meet N’ Greet, or something. Jason sprayed the heck out of both groups, and they were all dead.

SO WE THOUGHT.

I had gone inside to get a drink and a bit of a rest. I got up and noticed that we had a full bowl of apple peelings and other tidbits for the chickens, so I grabbed the bowl and LA LA LA went along my merry little way down our front steps.

Then I heard buzzing. Oh, damn it. DAMN! Then I felt something on me. The bowl of chicken food bits went flying on the ground, and suddenly I felt a little stab on my back. Oh hell!

GETITOFFGETITOFFGETTHISDAMNTHINGOOOOOFFFFFFF! Jason started running for me and all I could scream was, “It’s coming off!” aaaaannnnnddddd, I ripped off my shirt. Thank the Lord I was wearing undercarriage underneath, lest I permanently blind my neighbors. Yes, I am doing some sort of wild Hokey Pokey-on-crack grabbing my shoulder and spinning around and then I suddenly am about 45% nekkid. Luckily, we are pretty far from everyone else’s house, but I didn’t care then and do not care now what was seen or not seen or whatever. I just know when I shimmied out of my top I heard a buzzing right in my face and ran into the house.

Yes, it does hurt. Feels like a constant pinch and throb and it’s been about an hour and a half. All I can say is that every red wasp I see from now on is toast. Beneficial or not, I’ll pick off my own hornworms, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I have no clue what’s with me, insect stings and getting nekkid, but I can tell you when this girl gets stung, the likelihood of you seeing some skin are moderately high. This is probably why I am very likely to always wear undergarments.

Not a fan of the natural world today. Ask me again in 72 hours.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. onecoolgriff says:

    Just so you can laugh again, I’ll tell you a short story.

    As my mom’s ex-husband recounts it, his 10-year-old brother ran into the front yard one summer day, screaming and yelling to high heaven. He was being followed and stung by a bunch of very angry bees. The boys’ dad grabbed a shirt, ran outside and began beating the bees (and the child) with the shirt. While the boy continues to writhe on the ground and scream, dad continues to whack him and at the same time yell all the incoherent things a parent yells in a situation like this. As the ex so sagely observes, “All the shades in the neighborhood immediately go down and then an edge or corner opens up.”
    My mom still laughs at this commentary on the nosey neighbors who have the need to see without being seen doing the seeing. Small town America and human nature are truly a wonderful thing!

    I am not an expert, but I know that wasps and hornets get more agressive as the summer wanes. I don’t know why this is. Maybe knowing their time is short makes them angry and they take it out on anything that moves. This time it was you.

    So heal up, and try to forgive nature for what we see as it’s shortcomings!

  2. msdoolittle says:

    Lol! So true and sad at the same time! Peeking through the blinds….I can see it now!

    Actually, being the very amateur beekeeper that I am, I think I know why the aggression is so much more this time of year. (at least I know it is so for bees)

    Since winter is coming, and the food supply is coming to an end, they are going to be extremely d defensive knowing that whatever they have stored is all there is until spring and it has to sustain them until then. Now, I do not know how wasps overwinter, but I think I am going to research it

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