Flip Flops + Country = No no

Why is it that I stubbornly hold onto the idea that flip flops are acceptable footwear for the country?  Even after the fact that last year, I found thorns in my ff’s long enough to sew with, which had not only impaled my ff’s, but also my big toe.  Even after the fact that every time I go outside, either my kids, husband, or 100 lb. dog step on the back of them and I go hurdling through the air like a wayward stork.  Even after my toes have been permanently bruised and smashed to the point I can no longer wear boots.  Even after they make my feet look like a Neanderthal’s and I develop semi-permanent dirt stains and a callus that has to be sanded down with a belt sander.  What is the attraction?

You have to be delusional to think that flip flops are even remotely ok for any kind of task around here.  Even when I am giving hay to the animals, inevitably a piece of hay will get under my foot and jab me like a grass toothpick.  I just do not understand why I can’t grasp the reality of the situation.  Funny story…

A few years back, we had bought a house next door to us in town (see?  I don’t do well with close neighbors).  I was working on painting it one summer day (in my ff’s, of course.  Yeah, that’s safe footwear for a ladder). One of those famous Texas thunderstorms popped up out of nowhere.  I had to run back to my house to grab another brush.  The lightning and thunder were growing in intensity, so I was running (in my ff’s….stuuuuupid) and as I rounded the corner to the house, a huge crack of thunder erupted just overhead as my right foot simultaneously slid in the mud under my left leg, knocking my left foot off of the ground and I think it ended up somewhere near my left ear.  The next thing I remember, I was eating some monkey grass and dirt, still clutching my paintbrush in my right arm, which was now straightened behind my head.  I am pretty sure it was some kind of yoga pose for experts….or maybe just a nitwit.  Mind you, it is still raining (pouring) all over me, and I am now in the mud, getting wet, in a severe thunderstorm, eating grass. 

You would have thought I’d learned my lesson then.  I guess some people just never learn.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Rachel says:

    hahaha I guess some of us never learn, I can’t seem to put on any other shoe unless it is 15 below outside! And yeah, my feet get covered in sand every time I walk to the mailbox, pick some lettuce or get covered in mud when it rains…..but oh well, I love me some flip flops!

  2. gerry says:

    The ff thing is especially attractive on we older gals who don’t take care of their feet. We get that callous on our heels, and as you said, that needs a belt sander then adorn them with EXPENSIVE ffs. Some folk’s taste is all in their mouths. I pumice every night and then put lotions, balms, potions, butter, creams, jells and a partridge in a pear tree……….and still have the flipping barnacles.

  3. gerry says:

    Sorry, misspelled “callus.”

  4. msdoolittle says:

    Lol, I hear that, y’all! Yes, you’re right, G. Some people’s taste is ONLY in their mouths!!! This is for sure! I personally use a PedEgg which I looooove (Ok, I know it’s just sandpaper, but oh well), and slather those hooves up with some serious moisturizer. Otherwise, I look like a bear!

  5. heather says:

    LOL. Yes, ff and country living do NOT go together, unless you like things like sticks poking your feet, chicken poop nail polish and mud jam (kinda like toe jam except instead of the fluffies from socks you get mud from the ground.)
    I’m really bad about forgetting to wear my boots in the garden. I go out with regular shoes on and then want to slap myself when I go to wear those shoes somewhere besides home and realize that they’re covered in dirt.

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